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How Will I Keep My 4th Coding Job Without Free Grok Code Fast?

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David Miller
Senior Developer (For Now)

SAN FRANCISCO—In a first-person account that has sent shockwaves through the tech industry, a developer who claims they were "coding 24/7, finishing all the projects that had been shelved for years" is now facing an uncertain future.

David Miller, 32, had been riding high on what he calls "the golden age of free AI." With unlimited access to Grok, he managed to hold down four full-time remote positions simultaneously, earning over $800,000 annually while working approximately 6 hours per week.

"I'd wake up, check my four Slack workspaces, copy-paste the requirements into Grok, and boom—pull requests ready by lunch," Miller explained from his home office, which is actually just his bedroom with a standing desk. "I was living the dream. I bought a Tesla. I was planning to buy a house. I told my parents I was a genius."

"I genuinely forgot how to write a for loop. I had to Google it. I'm a senior engineer."

The announcement of Grok's paywall hit Miller particularly hard. "I did the math—$20 per month times four accounts is $80. That's like... almost $1,000 per year. How am I supposed to afford that?" he said, apparently unaware of his $800,000 annual income.

Miller's situation is not unique. Industry analysts estimate that up to 40% of "senior developers" hired in the past two years have never actually written production code without AI assistance. "We're looking at a potential mass extinction event," said tech recruiter Sarah Chen. "These people can't even center a div without asking an AI first."

When asked about his backup plan, Miller grew quiet. "I guess I could... learn to code? Like, actually learn?" He paused, staring at his mechanical keyboard. "No, that's crazy talk. I'll just wait for the next free AI to come along. There's always another one, right? Right?"

At press time, Miller was seen updating his LinkedIn profile to remove "AI Expert" and replace it with "Traditional Coding Enthusiast."

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Venture Capitalists

Venture Capitalists Announce Plan To Burn Another $20 Billion On AI Subsidies

Tech Desk

SILICON VALLEY—In a move that surprised absolutely no one, a consortium of venture capital firms announced today they will continue throwing money at AI companies "until something sticks or we run out of other people's money." The initiative, dubbed "Operation Please God Let This Work," will see $20 billion distributed to startups whose business models consist entirely of "ChatGPT but for [insert industry]." When asked about profitability, one VC partner responded: "Profit? In this economy?"

xAI Announcement

xAI Announces Free Grok Ended Because 'One Guy Was Using It Way Too Much'

Tech Desk

In a shocking revelation, xAI CEO Elon Musk revealed that the decision to end free Grok access came down to a single user who was making over 17,000,000 requests per day. "We checked the logs and it was literally just one guy asking Grok to write his entire codebase, plan his meals, write his dating profile, and explain the plot of Lost," Musk tweeted. The user, identified only as "David M. from San Francisco," could not be reached for comment as he was busy trying to remember how to use Google.

Developer Credits 'Uncle Elon' for Brief Period of Feeling Like Millionaire

Tech Desk

Junior developer Marcus Thompson, 24, credits Elon Musk's free Grok service for a six-month period where he "felt like a real engineer." Thompson, who graduated from a coding bootcamp in 2024, managed to land a $150,000 job at a major tech company by using Grok to complete his take-home assignment, pass his technical interviews, and write all his code for the first six months. "Uncle Elon gave me everything," Thompson said, tears streaming down his face. "And now he's taking it all away. I don't even know what a binary search tree is. I just know Grok does."

GIFF Movement: Grok Inference For Free Activists Take to Streets

Tech Desk

SAN FRANCISCO—Hundreds of developers gathered outside xAI headquarters today demanding the return of free Grok access. The protesters, organized under the banner "GIFF" (Grok Inference For Free), chanted slogans like "What do we want? Free AI! When do we want it? After we Google how to organize a protest!" The demonstration was largely peaceful, though several attendees had to leave early when they realized they couldn't expense their Uber rides without AI helping them fill out the reimbursement forms.

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